found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
