How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
