Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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