they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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