using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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