So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my liver is dry heaving
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
