Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
