I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
