I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
