Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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