Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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