I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
