i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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