so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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