I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
