check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
