he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
