you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize