He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
