Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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