My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
