yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
