Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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