i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
