she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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