U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
