Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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