I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
