I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
