alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
