watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's always time for handjobs
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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