How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
