Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
