There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
