i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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