A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
