you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
