It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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