i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
