How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
