if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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