Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
