She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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