Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i think i have two assholes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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