My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
