She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
