now i know why i became what i already was.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
