Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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