He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
