Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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