I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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