Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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