u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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