i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize