drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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