I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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