is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
