He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
