i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
