Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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