Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love you.
Bad choice
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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