Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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