Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
