i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
