how can u be prego again
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
