she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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