1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
