My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
