i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
